Exerpt From a Parenting Rules Book that doesn't exist but should

# 72 Never let your kid bounce aggressively and for pro-longed amounts of time in his jumparoo if he is due to poo. And if he is jumping and you hear the tell tale signs or the see the expressive face that lets you know he is “deep in thought”, pick him up and run - not walk - to an easy to clean surface or just straight to the tub.

#73 Always have a good carpet cleaner on hand.

#74 Always have a good clothes stain remover on hand.

#75 Always have a good laundry detergent on hand.

#76 Take stock in said carpet cleaner, stain remover and laundry detergent companies. This is the only possible way you may ever be paid for these janitorial efforts.

#77 Know how to remove poopie stains and don’t let it wait until “later” to get them out. There is no later. It’s now or another trashed outfit.

#78 Always put pants on your child. Period.

#79 Don't be surprised if said pants do nothing other than act as a funnel for you know what.

#80 Don't expect that new favorite outfit to stay new and fresh long. Take a picture FIRST thing. Savor the first few minutes of cleanliness and move on. Do not, under any circumstances, become attached. You will be disappointed.

#81 Not only should you know how to put your childs toys together. Make sure you know how to take them apart too. You will need this knowledge when you have to take it apart to clean the various liquids your kid is sure to expel.

#82 Don't dwell on the disgusting, smelly, time-consuming accidents that are sure to plague you when least expected and most inconvenient. Kiss that messy little booger and go on with your day. There will be another adventure around the corner you will need your energy for.