OMG . . .

. . . we're gonna be parents NEXT MONTH! It's amazing how this knowledge will hit you differently everyday. Back around the holidays it hit me when we were all together, with my siblings, playing a game one night. Sitting around, drinking (well, they were), laughing and playing I thought - this will be the last time it will be just like this. It won't be bad, the changes that are coming, just different. The focus will be on BT (Baby Trend) for a while (ok, forever. Let's face it, I will cease to exist for a while. I am that confident that our child will be so stunning to look at.) and instead of whatever we want it will be all about what he wants. We'll play games and laugh and drink (amen) but it will be changed - interupted by feedings, changings and even calls to who ever may be taking care of him to make sure all those things have been taken care of.

Months ago I was taking a bath (my #1 fav thing to do - can I keep this activity?!), thinking about our life and I had a little freak out session that it would all change and Leo and I would be different and we wouldn't be close and OMG, what if, what if, what if?! Looking back, just a short time later, and beforeBT is even here, I see that I was right. It will be different. But in such a good way. Yeah, I still worry we will lose something close about us and they way we live. But I'm pretty sure we will find our way and make the best of it all and find a new way to be us. Our evening routine won't be quite the same (in bed by 10:30/11 to watch a little news, or a TV show and then Leno). But it will be richer in many ways. Also, that's what TiVo is for.

And once again, it hits me. On Sunday I was feeling particularly weepy (more to myself than all over the place messy - it was Superbowl Sunday I didn't want to ruin Leo's Holiday) and later realized, "It's February." When my subconscious caught up to me I realized that next month was the month. It wasn't all that unfamiliar - the feeling of time creeping up on you. I remember this well from the wedding planning days. Only then I knew exactly how much time I had to tie ribbons and buy shoes. Now, I have no idea how much time is left and what exactly I should be doing to prepare for it. And really, the ribbons and shoes didn't matter in the long run. But now, the precence of a new family member matters tremendously and we want to do it right from the start. And so, I lay in bed quite early this morning thinking "Oh my God. We're gonna be parents next month!"

So the countdown continues but in a much different way. Instead of the 6 weeks that we have been relying on (until the due date) I've come to accept that in actuality, like rebate checks and mail order items, it is more lke 4-8 weeks. I have to prepare my brain for an early arrival - or a late one. Oh I really would not like a late one. I am already barely getting through some days. By nighttime I am uncomfortable and cranky. By morning my hips hurt, I'm still tired if I end up getting up early like today, and this morning, even my hands hurt. Damn water retention. Yes, yes - the nights will be even longer after BT's eventual birthday. But at least then I will have someone to hold on to at 5am. Because next month we're going to be parents!