The Glider

Long ago we decided we were done having kids. It was not a hard decision. The longing went away and we knew we were complete. This gave me permission to let stuff go. Like stuff stuff. Like clothes, toys and furniture. Benny's room was getting crowded so we decided to do away with his dresser/ changer. I posted it on a site to sell things and it went quickly. The woman who came to pick it up was getting it for her daughter who was young and single. This was an unexpected pregnancy and they didn't have a lot to spend. I was happy she ended up with it. When they came to get it, I asked if they were looking for a glider. They were, and I could see they were interested. But it was one thing I wasn't quite ready to part with.

The glider was a gift from Ed's mom Janet.She has since passed but I have often thought of her while sitting in that chair. It's also where I had so many hours with my babies. I nursed and rocked and sang to them from that chair. So many late nights and bedtimes.

I wasn't ready yet. But I kept thinking about that young girl and I knew I wanted the chair to go to a good home. I had kept the mothers number just in case.

In a seemingly unrelated course of events that started with our recliner that is peeling fake leather all over the place, I wanted to get new chairs to replace the bad one. After lots of shifting of chairs and benches around throughout the rooms, the last piece of the puzzle was to move out the old and make way for the new. And so I had to decide. Was I ready now? I knew the girl was due in winter and she wouldn't leave my thoughts.

So I moved that chair right out of Benny's room, right under his nose. I waited to see if he would protest. He didn't. He liked his new chair just fine. He knelt right in front of it and lined up his little Lego cars right away. Done deal. It's was time.

I reached out to the woman and asked if she was still interested. She was.

As I cleaned up the chair, Benny, who is almost always right next to me all day, started signing twinkle twinkle little star. I stopped and looked at him. He was happily driving a Lego motor cycle around with his "guys". He likes to hum and sing but I haven't heard this most basic of songs from him unprompted before.

The only thing I can think to explain why he was singing that song, of all songs, is because it was one of the ones I always sang to them in that chair. Perhaps his own memories were being stirred up too.

Today the woman and her daughter came to get the chair and I know it will be well-loved by this girl and new baby girl, due in January. Leo joked I might shed some tears when they drove away. I didn't even wait that long. I was glad they knew how much it meant to me though. I hope they will have many wonderful warm nights of song and cuddles in it too.

I am very sad to see it go. Equally, it's a nice release too. I would have had to sometime anyway. And it's just stuff. It's not like my memories leave with it. They may have started in that chair, but it was in my arms and my heart that my love for my boys grew, and it is there that they will stay.