My Grandma passed away last week. It was expected but still very sad. I was by her side when she passed and I was there when most of her children stood over her for the last time. They told her what a great job she had done and how beautiful she still was. They each took their own moments to deal with the reality they knew was coming. And then they bonded in action to move forward. So much to do but so many people there to get it done. Arrangements made, errands divided, and plans in place, they were able to leave the hospital together and breathe a sad sigh of relief that Grandma was finally with Tommy and Grandpa. (Grandpa had been waiting for so long!)
The following days were so . . . unique. When someone passes you are stopped in your tracks; stunted by thoughts of them; reminded by their presence in unexpected ways. But you still move forward. We laughed and hugged and smiled and cried and experienced so many things over a short period of time. It's exhausting but not altogether unbearable.
Excited to be together once again, but saddened by the reason for it, my very large family has reached out by phone and e-mail and text. "I'm coming up. I'll see you soon." "Are you ok?" "Do you want me to pick you up?" "Can you do me a favor?" Everything else has fallen away - our other plans that seemed so important last week - and we seem to exist only for one another. I would do anything anyone asked of me just to help out and make life easier for everyone. How amazing the power of a tragedy can change your life and remind you of what you have.
And now we are back in our own worlds doing whatever it was we were doing before. But I have to say, it feels different. Not just because I'm sad still to think of the loss. It's something else. Cousin Elaine used to word "grounded". It's true - being with family does ground you. When I'm with them I don't think about what I look like, what time it is or where else I could be. I just am and I'm happy being wherever that is. Kind of like vacation - you just exist and try to soak it all in. I do that when I am around family. So when I walked into a room of my NC friends, I feel like I came back with a more grounded version of myself. I felt more put together, confident and sure of who I am. I think that only the unconditional love of your family can put you in your place like that. Thanks, Grandma, for the reminder.
