The Glider

Long ago we decided we were done having kids. It was not a hard decision. The longing went away and we knew we were complete. This gave me permission to let stuff go. Like stuff stuff. Like clothes, toys and furniture. Benny's room was getting crowded so we decided to do away with his dresser/ changer. I posted it on a site to sell things and it went quickly. The woman who came to pick it up was getting it for her daughter who was young and single. This was an unexpected pregnancy and they didn't have a lot to spend. I was happy she ended up with it. When they came to get it, I asked if they were looking for a glider. They were, and I could see they were interested. But it was one thing I wasn't quite ready to part with.

The glider was a gift from Ed's mom Janet.She has since passed but I have often thought of her while sitting in that chair. It's also where I had so many hours with my babies. I nursed and rocked and sang to them from that chair. So many late nights and bedtimes.

I wasn't ready yet. But I kept thinking about that young girl and I knew I wanted the chair to go to a good home. I had kept the mothers number just in case.

In a seemingly unrelated course of events that started with our recliner that is peeling fake leather all over the place, I wanted to get new chairs to replace the bad one. After lots of shifting of chairs and benches around throughout the rooms, the last piece of the puzzle was to move out the old and make way for the new. And so I had to decide. Was I ready now? I knew the girl was due in winter and she wouldn't leave my thoughts.

So I moved that chair right out of Benny's room, right under his nose. I waited to see if he would protest. He didn't. He liked his new chair just fine. He knelt right in front of it and lined up his little Lego cars right away. Done deal. It's was time.

I reached out to the woman and asked if she was still interested. She was.

As I cleaned up the chair, Benny, who is almost always right next to me all day, started signing twinkle twinkle little star. I stopped and looked at him. He was happily driving a Lego motor cycle around with his "guys". He likes to hum and sing but I haven't heard this most basic of songs from him unprompted before.

The only thing I can think to explain why he was singing that song, of all songs, is because it was one of the ones I always sang to them in that chair. Perhaps his own memories were being stirred up too.

Today the woman and her daughter came to get the chair and I know it will be well-loved by this girl and new baby girl, due in January. Leo joked I might shed some tears when they drove away. I didn't even wait that long. I was glad they knew how much it meant to me though. I hope they will have many wonderful warm nights of song and cuddles in it too.

I am very sad to see it go. Equally, it's a nice release too. I would have had to sometime anyway. And it's just stuff. It's not like my memories leave with it. They may have started in that chair, but it was in my arms and my heart that my love for my boys grew, and it is there that they will stay.

The Secret Room

I am overwhelmed by all the things I want to mention but never have the time for. So, I'll bullet point it for you. Something is better than nothing . . .

Last month I caught Nathan pushing on the walls randomly in the living room. When I asked him what he was doing, he said he was looking for the "secret room." We told him when he was 4ish that we have a secret room and we'll tell him where it is when he's bigger. I guess he's big enough now. He continued to look for it and bug Leo about it until he cried and Leo had to tell him there was no secret room. Oh the disappointment. I know buddy, not cool. A secret room would be awesome.

Nathan started First Grade and he's doing great. We started up without a bump. We are on track out now so we shall see how track in goes but honestly, things are going great. He has "the hardest first grade teacher in the school". I say yay to that. He is so super smart - let's challenge the kid! He plays with Leo's old iphone and knows how to text. He writes out the funniest texts to him. I created an email account for him for a couple games he likes to play and he now knows how to actually write an email now too. I got my first one from him the other day. He actually signed it "Your child Nathan". Love it!

We went to visit Nonni & Poppi a few weekends ago. It was overcast at Oak Island but perfect for us. (Leo doesn't do too much sun anyway.) The boys loved the water and sand. They can finally play without too much worry on our parts . . . except for the sharks of course.

Grandpa Truck moved down and into his new house. The Koker/ Trend house is officially moved into while the Orangeburg house is still waiting for a new family. We enjoyed their pool last month. Benny refused to get on the slide but the other boys has no trouble making use of it.

This past weekend we went to DC for Leo's work picnic. Well, it was more like Rockville, MD and it was more like a party than a picnic. Caricature Artist, DJ, pool, food, dunk dank, bingo, corn hole, etc, etc. They did a nice job and was fun for all. We went to the Air & Space Museum on our way out of time and brunch with friend Hadas and her family. We were pooped when we got home. And not prepared to deal with what we came home to . . .

When we left for DC on Friday the front toilet was acting strangely and backed up a bit. We fixed what we could and left it though. Then, Sunday when we came home Nathan used the hall bathroom. Later we discovered the toilet had run and was clogged up and overflowing. All over the bathroom. And into the hallway on the carpet. Oh joy. It was inches deep and had been running over an hour I think. The master toilet had been leaking a bit as well a week or so previously. But when this flooding happened I screamed "Now's the time for the plumber!". The pieces were coming together with all the toilet issues. I wondered if this had anything to do with the work happening outside last week. They were digging all over the neighborhood for fiber optic lines. No we didn't ok this and no we aren't even getting this service. They just do and then take a nap under your tree. We find out that is the issue and they hit our line causing issues. Ugh. It has been fixed but it remains to be seen who pays for the plumbing bill and the possible replacement of tile/ carpet with water damage below. The unasked for saga continues . . .

Benny starts back at school next week. We have had a nice time just the two of us. He says he doesn't want to go back yet he stuffs little back packs with stuff and carries it on his back all over the house. I know he will settle in just fine.

Last month we had a new babysitter come. She is the daughter of one of Benny's teachers last year. Either the boys were ready for us to leave or she just had the magic touch. She came in, they barely said bye, and they behaved all night. No tantrums about us leaving! Whoohoo! More date nights to come.

We finished the bar upstairs. It looks amazing! It was touch and go for a little bit but the finished product is beautiful. We had neighbors over to help christen the new Trendohaus Bar, which it certainly was when Kate spilled her drink. Twice. Irish music blaring, drinks poured, it felt like a real bar. We took the bench that we built last year and added caps and resin to that too. Just in time for company . . .

Leo's b-day is this weekend and we are, as always, hosting the big bash. I always feel a lot of pressure to make the place look amazing for party time. The bench will look nice out front, next to the new cone flowers I got today. Some cleaning inside and food prep and we'll be good to go.

Mom and Ed will have the boys while we entertain. All parties are excited about the visit. The boys do so well there and Mom says they are angels. Leo and I get an extra date night on Friday and then a kid free weekend. I'm working my butt off this week to get a bunch done so I can relax in a clean quiet house Friday afternoon into Saturday.

The boys have actually have been very good lately. They were not too good when we were in DC, but because of that whole scene, I took away all devices and screen time. And it's been the best few days. Less fighting and whining. The boys play together so well now and they are actually figuring out what to do with themselves on their own. They have had to earn back screen time so they have been endlessly offering to help. We've done vacuuming, cleaning windows, clearing tables, laundry, cleaning the car, watering plants, etc. It's great. It came just in time for track out and lots of time together.

Uncle Matt has been deployed for the first time and will be coming home by Christmas. He is doing fine where he is. But we miss him lots.

Julia just turned two, Lily turns five in October. Patrick is three and Logan turned six, When did these kids grow up?!

So much else. so many little things. Benny insisting on one more hug and kiss at bed and saying good night I love you so many times it's almost (almost) not cute anymore. Nathan with his missing teeth (and more soon as he gets some pulled tomorrow. Wow literally pulling teeth! I expect it to be awful!). The boys playing in the hose today and having the best time. Nathan being able to read to Benny. Benny loving Candy Land and Chutes and Ladders.

Life is full and busy and wonderful. Today was busy with yard work and actual work (with a designer doing some staging!), homemade pizza, wine and Leo teaching the boys baseball basics. I have lots on my to-do list but I realized today that I love it all. I'm so fortunate for all of it. Every. Single. Bit.

One Year Down . . .

Today was Nathan's last day of Kindergarten. Funny how the first few days (weeks, months....) the mornings were filled with angst, crying, procrastinating, tooth pulling and feet dragging. This was a lot of emotion to fit in 40 minutes. As time went on, Nathan became more and more confident, he made friends, and then, a whole year later, he barely looked at me when he got on the bus. Even as the year wore on and he was more likely to run around the bus stop with neighborhood kids, but always came back to mama for one last hug and kiss. Today - nuthin'! He got in line and it was me who had to go to him to give him one last hug. He did, however, crowd into the windows with all the other kids to wave at us moms on the corner. I tried to catch a picture of their cute little faces, hands waving, but the reflection didn't allow it. But having watched him day after day, I think it will be something I will always remember.

Being year-round, he will start right back up next week into First Grade! It's a quick break but I think it will be for the better - no laying around all summer whining about a new teacher. And yet, there is something weird about no break that makes me feel a little sad. I wanted to at least celebrate the end of this year before the next. So tonight we will gather with some friends at the pool and have cupcakes and cocktails. The adults deserve the celebration too - it was hard on us as well.

Nathan brought home an endless collection of school stuff he did all year, which makes me dizzy since he has brought stuff home every week as it is and there is still MORE! Leo says not to worry so much about keeping so much of it (I desperately try not to be a pack rat), since it is the younger years where they are still making pictures and paintings, magnets and crowns. He is right of course. But I can't say I'm not overwhelmed by the piles in the dining room. It's fun to look back though. He has learned so much this year. He's an amazing reader and writer. I am constantly surprised at the things he does. It's cool to get a peek into his brain.

Benny finished with school a few weeks ago and we have just been hanging around. I was getting antsy about not having a project so we started to finish the bar top upstairs. We decided we have to glue down every single cap (ugh) and then we will fill the top with resin. Leo is nervous about us doing it but I think it will be great when we get there. It's hard to spend time on it though since it's usually hot in that room upstairs and often Benny just wants me to play with him. And so I've only gotten a small portion done so far. By the end of the summer I hope it will be complete.

So we are looking at the next few days with not much planned. I'm so ok with this. As much as I would love to be someplace like the beach, I don't do crowds. So we will stick with our pool and maybe a local outing or two. Personally I'm looking forward to the cupcakes and cocktails tonight to start.

Two Six Year Olds in the House

We now have a six year old in the house. It was evident it was coming since he list his first tooth only a week before his birthday and the dentist said it would come just about birthday time. We celebrated Nathan's birthday with a "Mine Craft" party last weekend, among a select groups of boys. There are a few things I can say to sum it up. Two hours is more than long enough for a rooms full of five and six year olds. Having this many boys in one room is LOUD. Making one little fart sound is enough make it even louder (with giggles and more fart sounds). Having a husband that loves to be with the kids is necessary. Leo was so good with all those boys. They had a wheelbarrow full of sand and rocks and gems for the kids to find. Between the sand, water, the bikes and balls outside, being outside was a blessing and it was super lucky to have sun shining on us! Nathan had a great time and got a lot of Mine Craft tee's (even though it was a no-gift party! I know how to it feels to come empty-handed. Nathan enjoyed it all!) On Monday, his actual birthday, he received a few more gifts and we had "brinner" (breakfast for dinner), his choice. Last minute I threw together some chocolate cupcakes, since not having anything for dessert seemed sinful on his birthday. He still felt it wasn't very birthday-ish, apparently forgetting the party two days prior. Oh well. The kids' gotta learn it's not always parties and gifts all day long. 

Poor Benny was so upset about it all. He kept saying, "I didn't get my birthday presents!" Benny also still insists he is six, not three. Living in Benny's world is more than a little entertaining. 

Things around the house otherwise are going well. With birthdays behind us, we have a few traveling adventures next - to MD  for a family gathering and then to FL for a wedding. Then Kindergarten will be over and we will have a first-grader in the house. What?! That year flew by. As the rest will I'm sure. Nathan is doing really well in school. He is showing some anxiety still in class and when it's time to go, but he is reading like a champ and seems to retain a lot of what they do everyday. Even if it's not something he tells me right away, a small fact about something will pop up and I will ask how he knows that. "I don't know," he'll say with a shrug. "I just learned it at school." Hopefully the rest of whatever uncertainty he is feeling about school, and life, will go away a bit so he can enjoy it. It's a lot to ask of anyone though, as growing up is not always easy. The trouble has always been that he's so smart - he's much to aware to just run and be a kid, he adds his own worry into the mix as well. 

But, when we are tracked out, things are good. Last track out, in February, we went down to Florida to stay with Pop and JoJo for a week or so at the beach. We saw Aunt Ruth and Nannie and enjoyed the sun and sand. It was a rough ride - we went without Daddy - but well worth the trip. We had some good beach days (that we literally walked 100 feet to), an evening walk to get ice cream one night, and saw gators, manatees, dolphins and all sorts of birds. I spent some time with Aunt Ruth and she and Joanne taught me some Zentangle. (Fun! Look it up!) Everyday there was something neat to do. We could have spent several more! But getting back needed to happen too. We missed Daddy and the extra parent in general. And the snow! We missed a pretty big storm here that took out power for some and closed down the place for days. I guess we didn't really miss anything but I love to see falling snow so I still feel like I missed a little. This sounds silly since I was riding a boat watching dolphins jump out of the water while others were home shivering. But still, I wanted to be in both places. 

Speaking of, I should be out walking right now with the little bit of time I have left before Nathan comes home from school. I have had some terrible back pain and I need to be taking it easy, yet not sitting too long. Ice it, stretch it, walk it, but also rest it. It's the only thing on my mind most days as I wait for it to heal. I'm not very good at waiting or holding back from physical movement for long. Patience. Ugh! 

I Love You Sweetheart

I'm sitting at my computer and Benny climbs into the chair behind me, locks his arms and legs around me and says. "I love you." I reply, "I love you too sweetheart." He plies exactly the same, "I love YOU sweetheart." He hugs me harder and says, "Does that feel good?" Now he's listening to my heart beat and says, "Your beat heart sounds good." This kid has barely been in trouble for more than three minutes of his life. It's not possible when he has these tricks up his sleeve!

Bahamas

As you all know, Leo gets to work from home. Although it has its challenges, it works well for our family. Since everyone in the company also works from home, Valiant has to make special effort to get the entire company together for meetings and whatnot. They have always had some kind of yearly meeting which included something fun and not entirely work related, and the boss' vision has always been to go someplace other than the local bowling alley. So this year we went to the Bahamas. Yeah, they just skipped over the little stuff and brought us all to Paradise. Paradise Island specifically but they call is that for a reason. It is a little piece of heaven.

After I got the ok from my mom that the kids would be in her hands while we were away, we booked my ticket to come along for the ride. We left early on a dark and cold Wednesday, January 7th. I have to say, there is something about going someplace warm in the middle of winter. It's such a nice break. And right after the holidays was a treat too. There was so much going on in the weeks leading up to it that I barely had time to anticipate it coming. But being in the cold (well, NC cold, not real cold of the north) I could hardly imagine what warm breezes would feel like. We got a good taste of that the second the door opened on the plane. The warm Caribbean air flooded in. The rum and coke was feeling good to me then. Let vacation begin!

From the air we saw the blue waters. From the ground we heard the sway of the palm trees. I floated away with whatever was happening. Life is so much better this way. We got through customs no problem (we could have brought an elephant there), got our chartered bus and were off. The driver gave a (very) detailed route around on the way to Atlantis where we would stay for the next five days. We saw the stadium and where Anna Nicole Smith is buried. Yes, it was the grand tour. We stopped for cheap liquor and snacks then got to our destination. At the front desk I urged Leo to ask for an ocean view. It was worth it to ask and even to wait for one if necessary. It was perfect. On the 7th floor, facing the blue water and beach, I didn't need to even go elsewhere for a while. So we opened the balcony door, poured some drinks and sat in the room, decompressing with friends for a while.

By the way, we had great company on the trip. Twenty of us in all it was Matt & Shea, Kristi & Dan, Cat & Jason, Natalie & Marshall, Heather, Brittany, Ed & Emily, Tommy & Anne, Justin & Trisha, Jeff & Jesse, and us. I only knew a few but we were all friends by the end.

We changed and ventured out for dinner. I had picked a place off property that I heard was a bit less expensive, outdoors, casual and Bahamian authentic. It was all those things, including somewhat hard to find. But we did. We watched the sun set and the cruise ships light up in the bay.

On the way in and out of Atlantis, you can walk through the marina where there are shops, restaurants and gorgeous yachts. That was one of my favorite things, looking at each of these monsters and picking out a favorite. I liked the one named "Imagine".

We took a stroll through the convention center part of the resort where one of the biggest yearly poker events was happening. We knew our buddy Daniel Negraneu would be there. In the back they were filming for a new poker show and you could go back there and watch and even walk around the outside of the players, with the understanding that you would be filmed in the background. We stood by and hung around when we saw Daniel was playing. We stayed for a quite a while hoping he would have a break so we could say hi. He finally did and came over to talk to a guy next to us he knew. Leo make eye contact and said, "Hey, do you remember us?" He came over and shook hands, gave a mumbly "sure, how are ya" and went back to play. Clearly having no idea who we were we went on our way. Later that night Leo had gone through again to watch and had a chance to say hi again and pulled him over to remind Daniel of our trip in '06 when we paid for some winners to come to Las Vegas and hang for a few days. He seemed to truly remember Leo at that point and he said "You've grown up!" I wish I could have been there for that part but I was snuggly in bed with tea and a book, the balcony door open, the sounds of the ocean coming in. I was having a fine time already.

Thursday, the Valiant crew had to actually do some work. So they were up and at 'em early. Since it was yet another beautiful day and there was no going back to sleep (and what a waste anyway!) I got up and ready to go out and explore. I planned to go on my own since I didn't know who was up yet but Dan called the room and we planned to explore together. Marshall came along too. This was what I really wanted. To just walk as far as I could and see it all. And see it all we did. We ran into the under water tunnels where sting rays and sharks float overhead, pools with giant turtles creeping along, swimming pools, bars with DJ booths, the beach, water activities, the other hotel buildings on the properties, the restaurants (oh how I wanted to eat at Bobby Flay's Mesa), the private pools (for the elite hotel guests), the dolphin cay and through the marina. We went everywhere! The beer by the pool, in the sun after our exploration was simply divine. It was actually the cooler of all the days, with the sun in and out of the clouds and the wind fairly rough. But a good full day it was. The work crew was done by 3:30 and we all relaxed for a bit before dinner.

Dinner was a paid-for pre-planned meal at Carmine's near the marina. It was ok Italian food, lots of variety, and giant family-style dishes. But, to be honest, it was too much and went on for too long. We were there for three hours and both of us were just done. We excused ourselves and went to explore.

I had heard over and over to go see The Dig, so we headed that way, in the lobby of the Coral Towers. Into a gigantic open space, marbles and columned, with waterfalls dancing down the walls, you then take a grand staircase down. In front of you to the left and right is the biggest expanse of fish tank I have ever seen. It seemed to go on forever on either direction. I followed a giant manta-ray back and forth as if he were the tour guide and wanted me to see it all. I think there may have been another section with more actual museum-like displays but it was closed for a private party. It didn't matter as I was happy to just hang out there and watch the fish swim about.

We took a walk back towards our room, but walked the perimeter of the building, just on the outside of the casino and shops. I couldn't get enough of the warm, island air.

Friday was my favorite day. It was a dream day. The girls were going on an excursion. We met up in our "living room", which we had established early in the trip. It was the place where the four "wings" on our building met up and a comfy couch, chairs and TV occupied the middle, near the elevators. We were frequently the picture of envy as we lounged about several times a day to meet up, bottles of wine and vodka here and there.

Anyway, we met up there and made it to another marina where we boarded a boat to take us to Rose Island. We traveling past large homes with yachts parked out front all along the waterway. To be one of those people, huh? We passed another small island where Blue Lagoon was filmed. And then after 30 or so minutes we arrived at Rose Island. We were welcomed with an island drink, direction on where to go and what to do and off we went. We all settled on the unpopulated beach first. It was a lovely breezy sunny day and perfect for laying out. We took trips to the beach bar, some went off for beach side massages (I should have done this!), some to the "hammock garden" for quiet nap time. We had a nice island lunch together then split up for the afternoon activities, kayaking or tubing. Kristi and I hung together for the afternoon and ended with a bit of time in the hammocks. Before we knew it, it was time to go. It went much too fast and no one was ready to leave. I would go back again, get a massage first, lay in the hammock next and have someone bring my drinks to me! (It's not fun getting in and out of those things!).

When we returned, we were looking forward to showers and naps. The guys were still out from their all day exploring. But Natalie got the idea we should go surprise them where they were, and before anyone had time to say no, I strongly persuaded the rest of the girls to get in the taxi and go. It took longer than expected to cross the bridge and meander through the busy streets to Senior Frogs. But worth it. The guys were very surprised to see us show up. The place was packed with cruise ship guests. We settled in with drinks, food and talk of our day. There was stage dancing, conga lines, and all sorts of silliness at this place. We couldn't have planned it any better. Sandy, sweaty and everything - it was a perfect afternoon/ evening. We stayed until we couldn't dance anymore and headed back. Everyone said the next day it was the best time.

Saturday was a lazy day for most. Since we didn't have our phones on (to avoid international charges) we couldn't really communicate with each other to make plans to meet up other than the hotel room phone. But when we wandered off, we ended up seeing people all day. Leo and I explored the water rides, the other parts of the property he hadn't seen yet and Dolphin Cay which I had only seen from afar two days before. I have to say, it was pretty cool to see those animals up close and doing tricks on demand. I wished the boys were there to see it. I was getting sad about missing them when two little boys with their parents appeared near us to watch too. That was our cue to move along before I got too homesick!

We found some others at a pool and settled in for a while longer in the sun. Knowing it was our last chance to hang by the pool, it was hard to leave it, at least for me. Fresh air, sun, no kids to worry about. Heaven.

That evening we dressed up for the last meal together. We went to one of the fancier places, a steak house. The food was good (better than Carmines) and there was a magician doing his thing at each table. Afterwards, everyone went as a group to the casino to put money on a number. We hit it! Hopefully it is a sign of another good year for Valiant and another trip like this.

Sunday it was hard to leave but we had our boys to look forward to. We had to leave early to get through customs going out, a longer process than coming in. Once on the plane there was a random delay that had the potential to make us miss our connecting flight in Atlanta, but it all worked out. Except our bags. But they arrived later that night. No harm done.

When we were landing I looked out my window and saw our neighborhood. I sent a text to my mom about it and she said Nathan thought that was the coolest. They were ready and waiting when we got home, standing in front of the door, jumping up and down. So excited to see mommy and daddy! They made a welcome home cake for us. So cute. They were very good for Gigi and Grandpa. They made it easy for us to consider going away like this again, knowing the boys are so good and that they are well taken care of while we are away.

Reality was rough of course, the next day. We had cold, dark, rainy days almost all week. But whenever I start missing it, I look at my pictures, imagine that the planes overhead is the sound of the ocean, and I sit real close to the heat coming out of the vents. If it weren't for the legos all over the floor, I could almost imagine the sand under my toes!

Happy Birthday Benny!

Our sweet Baby Boy turns three today! (Or six if you ask him) We will celebrate all week of course. Cupcakes in class to today, gifts at home after school, dinner out with Gigi and Grandpa tomorrow, on Saturday with Nonni and Poppi and on Sunday with another joint Birthday/ Super Bowl Party. We can't be any happier about celebrating our happy little guy.